pixieniko

thinsporation vid

Tue, 06 May 2008 04:56:36 GMT

My "ana" poem. !!Has been copy writed!!

Tue, 06 May 2008 03:53:59 GMT

ana/me

This voice is calling out to me again today,
She never seems to forsake me,
Yesturday, today, tomorrow,
She is allways there, Can't you see,
She isn't just a voice,
She is ana,
and ana is me.

This war grows with each breath,
Each passing hour,
She becomes stronger,
yet I become weak at the same time,
Is this truly a crime,
Must everyone who finds the truth that I am ana,
turn from me in discust.

She has my hand, and keeps me in the shaddows,
She helps wipe the tears from my eyes,
Even though my eyes never seem to dry,
any other would give up,
but not ana,
She just keeps saying,
'Controll, now or never my dear'

This voice is calling out to me again today,
She never seems to forsake me,
Yesturday, today, tomorrow,
She is allways there, Can't you see,
She isn't just a voice,
She is ana,
and ana is me

-By Pixieniko (N-Mae)

***************************************
"Never enough"

I feel the tears coming back,
This pain with in my weaping soul,
This voice that calls to me,
"its never enough"
I wish to be what I see as profection,

I feel the urge of cutting coming back,
This condition is my own convition to profection,
This calling that needs to be heard,
"its never enough"

I feel that this urge to workout is coming back,
This burning in my muscles never felt as good as it does today,
This pain is melting me away like acid,
"its never enough"

I feel a binge creaping back,
This cycle will just never end,
why must my history be my future,
This is just the ana in me taking complete controll,
"Its never enough to let her go"
"I like this ana in me"

By: pixieniko(N-mae)
! has been copy writed!

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:41:41 GMT

Height	Healthy	15% Under	25% Under	35% Under
5'	100	85	75	65
5'1"	105	89	78	68
5'2"	110	93	82	71
5'3"	115	97	86	74
5'4"	120	102	90	78
5'5"	125	106	93	81
5'6"	130	110	97	84
5'7"	135	114	101	87
5'8"	140	119	105	91
5'9"	145	123	108	94
5'10"	150	127	112	97
5'11"	155	131	116	100
6'	160	136	120	104

...

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:02:44 GMT

...

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 06:33:00 GMT

I have Anorexia Nervosa.

,,,

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 02:09:32 GMT

one of my favorite communities: http://community.livejournal.com/seriouslyedonly/

dont have a main goal

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 02:00:28 GMT

I see girls all the time going, my ugw is...... and to tell you the truth, i dont have a main goal weight, No matter what I weigh i have to be at least three pnds lighter. I would be 30pnds if i could, but hm, doubt that wish would ever happen. So I'm dealing with 88pnds,

40 days (day 2/40)

Sun, 27 Apr 2008 01:58:21 GMT

So I'm on a 40 day flush fast, and i can only have my vitamins, and water, tea. Today is day two, and my mom ended up taking my sister, my sisters boyfriend and I out to eat. I was so mad, but i dont like to lie so i went anyways, but before we went, i had three laxitive tea bags in a half glass of water, so it was pretty strong, and a metabo pill, lets just put it this way, i had to go to the rest room after one bite, which i'm glad for, that way its getting out of my body and fast. this is day two, and i'm not going to ruin my whole day.

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 07:27:53 GMT

http://www.emaciatedbarbiedoll.page.tl/Tips-%26-Tricks.htm

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 07:08:38 GMT

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Tue, 15 Apr 2008 07:02:18 GMT

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 07:00:48 GMT

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Tue, 15 Apr 2008 06:58:10 GMT

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Tue, 15 Apr 2008 06:45:26 GMT

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 20:20:51 GMT

my yahoo

Pixieniko@yahoo.com

ss

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 05:26:11 GMT

http://community.livejournal.com/anorexicqueen/

today

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:55:21 GMT

today, i've had nothing, unless you want to count what I had around one am........ I kind of binged,, I should of just sayed out... I stood there for like ever just stairing into the fridge, and i did walk away, but my mind was telling me two things, it was driving me crazy, so i did the one, and i shouldn't have. So as punishment, i cant go to the community today and tomorrow..
what I had, I had one clice of bread with cheese melkted on it, one fruit bread, a banana, three slices of an apple, thats it... Thank god I stopped, myself, and just was like, no f-ing more... so all together, I'm sure it added up to about 200-230calls... So, I guess i have to start over on my fast. shows how much self controll I have...
allowed, water, tea, coco, apple cider,
vitamins, apple cider vinager pills,
Noni,
workouts:everything

I just cant believe myself, I do so well, than just fall like this.. I hate it.. I wasn't even fucking hungery,,, why.... why am I so unself controlled.. i hate this..
i know this might sound stupid, but im going to like hurt myself if i walk in the kitchen, and even dare think about eating something..

day 3/19 -day fast-

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 22:26:20 GMT

day three, going well,
am taking apple cider vinager pills, 2 ounces of noni, and vitamins a day, water, loads of water, lax tea. And am working out every day,,, doing 30 crunches, 30 leg lifts, 20 arm roll and stretches as soon as i get up every day,,,, later, go to sports center and run/jog for as long as im allowed to stay there(*untell my mom wants to leave*) than after or just before going to the sports center, working out to one of my workout videos.....

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 04:32:58 GMT

http://www.freewebs.com/xpineygirl/beautytips.htm

Yesturday,6lbs lighter(day 3), today(day 4)dont know if i lost anymore yet, later Ill weigh.

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 22:40:35 GMT

So yesturday I went to the sports center and ran for about 20 mins, and walked five. I weighed myself with two shirts on, bra, pants, panties, socks, running shoes, and a neckless. I'm sure I lost more than 6lbs, But when I go today, Ill take off my shoes and neckless, and my jacket, to try and see how much I really lost over the past four days. So I'm pretty happy. My bff jess says its water wait, I kind of think so to. but w/e, I'm still proud that i've gone down, water weight or not,, I'm ligher. ^.^ yays..

So I've had only Vitamins as of now(took it down with water), after 5 mins of taking it, my body wanted to purge it, because of my emty stomach, I made it stay down. >.<" I was thinking to myself its just a stupid vitamin.... dont you dare purge it,, dont...... so i didn't and its past. I'm having just water again today. ((best advice for liquid fast, water(hot/cold), tea(hot/cold), home made 100% fruit/or/veggie juice))

Y.Y ok, I feel fatter, even though the scale says i'm lighter, i just feel like i've gained... does anyone ever feel the same?

What you eat in private, you wear in public.

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 22:05:19 GMT

Ok, this would be day three, if i wasn't such a failur, a waist of air, someone who cant do anything she puts her fucking head to.. God, I'm so mad at myself right now..

This is what happend from two days ago to, today.........

First day,,,, I did fine, had nothing, than my mom wanted to take me to new china, i refused, she than went to stobys and brought back for me a small bag of potato chips and a pita tuna. I was so angery at the fact that she got that for me, i didn't get mad at her to her face, she didn't even know I was mad about it, I just kept clinching my fists and my jaw, and I wanted to throw it across my bedroom, and or give it to the dog out of anger,, but about an hour after she got it, I went to take a small bit of the pita tuna, and I was eating it very slowly, before I know it, I had fineshed the pita tuna,, and It felt as if I hadn't eaten it, I know I did,, i sat there in tears eating it on my bed. than after about 20 mins I tolk the small bag of chips, that contaned no more than 20ish chips, and eat it, it was exstreamly salty, than after that I just laid there crying myself to sleep, when the phone range, i didn't even get up to answer it,, my mom was like,, yelling at me to answer it..

Day two,,,
I had nothing but water up untell like 6pm, than out of no where I went to the kitchen, and it felt as if i couldn't stop, my body had a mind of its own,, It started out small,,, a cup of chicken soup, with a half slice of cheese on one slice bread that i cut in half,, than another cup of soup, than crackers, than ginger snap cookies, than slice of bread with cream cheese on it,, I think thats about it, but after that, I purged all of it, pluss some, i was so angery with myself for just failing, giving up, and the fact that I kept going back.....had nothing before the b/p, and nothing after it..

Day three(today)
I got up this morning when the phone started to ring, it was 9ish in the morning, than after answering the phone I mindlessly eat a cookie that was 180 cals, it wasn't even that good for crying out loud, than just went back to bed.... I freaking hate this.... even though adding up all the calls over the past three days is probly no where over, 900.. >.< hopefully...

I'm buckling down, and I'm getting straight with it.. since the insadent with the cookie, i've had nothing but water. I think this morning i took a vitamin, i cant remember, i'm sure i did... anywho..

Through my eyes, I see it as no more than 30 calls a day. I hate ever going over that, makes me want to die.

One thing I try my hardest to do is not to eat something I know i'm just going to probly purge, or waiste. So that way I dont eat it. Someone else can binafit from it. Not I... to discusting to even enjoy one fucking bite....
Niko

Tea blast the fast +35

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 05:57:14 GMT

So you do it for no less than 10 days, but I preffure doing it 25 days to 30 days. First off, go get several boxes of your favorite teas(for your going to be having a lot of it), dont forget the greentea. Get either fresh lemons or 100% lemon juice to put a few drops of it in the unsweet tea. Mix it up, by doing different flavors each day. When getting up in the morning have a half glass of Lax tea, lightly brould.(If you make a full glass, split it, than save the other half for tomorrow) through out the day have no less than two glasses of tea every hour, mix it up from cold tea to hot tea. If you the type that gets shaky from low blood pressure of lack of sugar, have a sweet glass of sugared tea every other hour. DONT HAVE ANYTHING SWEET AFTER 6PM-6AM! In other words, dont intake ANYTHING after 6pm-6am thats a whole 12 hours of nothing. Everyday do high intense cardio for 35 minutes.
After 8 days of this, you will start to notice a change in your clothes. depending on your own body type, you can lose up to 25-35 or +, only after 25 days. For me, Usually after the third day of the fast, every day after that I'll drop practialy 2lbs(or +) every day. Just something to read that might motivate some of you, or just give you something new to do. oh, and DONT FORGET TO BE HAVING GLASSES OF WATER INBETWEEN GLASSES OF TEA. so your practily going to be having a glass in your hand from the time you get up to the time you got o bed.

today

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 05:55:21 GMT

Today was ok, could of been way better. So here I am going stronge, feeling grand, and feeling high powered and in controll, when my dad decides to take the fam out to eat. Y.Y" So we go, and I only eat veggies, and some cheese for the brocili, pretty sure i didn't have more than 70 cals.
going on my own fast that i invented. yayz... details in next post.